I’d never loved anyone like this, I mean I’d been in love, sure but not in this way. With Jared I could actually spend the rest of my life with him. Butterflies danced in my stomach at the thought.

I called a limo driver. Not because I was to show off or anything and arrive at the airport to pick up Jared in a limo, it’s just I was in no state to drive. It wouldn’t be safe.

Pacing around the room; I couldn’t sit still waiting for the limo driver. My skin tingled all over as if I was having a feather ticking down my spine, sending shivers over my body. I felt hot and cold at the same time and I couldn’t even tell if my breathing was normal or not.

Is this was love does to you? Makes you some kind of emotional wreck?

It had definitely changed me though. Jared had given me a key to his apartment and I had been staying there for the last week of the tour. I kept telling myself it was so I could get food in ready for them more easily but deep down I knew why; you know when you like a guy and you like how he smells? It sounds so strange but sleeping in his old t-shirts, wrapping myself in his bed sheets as I slept soothed me. Jared’s smell was light but earthy, a strange combination but it worked and I loved it; I loved him.

A call came up to the apartment to say the driver had arrived. Checking over the house one last time to make it look lived in for a day or two rather than the past week. I closed the door behind me and got into the lift.

The airport was so close yet I’ve never known any journey take so long and as the limo pulled up to the area where you can collect people my heart really started to pound like it was going to come through my chest.

Opening the door with a shaking hand, stepping out the door with a shaking leg, I gradually managed to hoist myself out and stand. I took a deep breath, closed the door and walked towards a column supporting a car park above the collection area and learnt against it.

I stood, staring at the floor, just concentrating on my breathing and the calming quiet of the airport. Nothing else.

A swarm of paparazzi appeared and all took out their cameras ready. They weren’t waiting for Jared were they? Shit, does he want people to know we’re dating?

‘CLICK’

The first camera went off. There was no quiet anymore. The paparazzi were like locusts swarming their prey, not letting and go to waste. I couldn’t see a thing, I had no idea if it was 30 Seconds To Mars leaving the airport or not. Then an arm, pushing through the crowd. It was Jared.

He had had to go right around the crowd meaning he had ended up quite far away from where I was waiting for him.

I couldn’t tell you what made me do it now after thinking back but something made me run, run as fast as my legs could carry me to him, to the man I loved. I ran, still shaking from the rush of emotions I was feeling, straight towards him and into his arms.

It was lucky Jared noticed me really as if he didn’t, the speed I was going at I probably would have ended up tackling him or something!

His muscular arms wrapped tight around me and he drew me in close, pressing hard against me.

Meanwhile the cameras were still clicking, taking everything in, every detail of the event. It’s true what they say; a picture speaks a thousand words.

As we pulled away from each other and looked in to each other’s eyes, still in our own perfect world where we could barely hear what chaos was going on around us I brushed a hand across his perfect cheek, his stubble stroking the back of my hand.

“I love you.” Said Jared. I looked deep into those big, clear blue eyes of his.

“I love you too.” I said back. Jared looked taken aback but delighted and as we walked hand in hand towards the limo I’d never felt happier in my entire life.

The past fortnight had gone so slowly and now I’d have to wait even longer for him to return. I’ve never been like this over a guy, never.

I had to distract myself tonight somehow so I picked up my phone and text Chris and asked her if she wanted to come over and hang out. Yeah sure, I’m on my way now she text back.

I opened the door ten minutes later to see Chris standing there with DVD’s, chocolate, vodka and ice cream. She could probably tell from how I’d been acting the past two weeks that I could do with cheering up. I got some glasses and we sat down on the sofa and mixed the vodka with some cola.

“You miss him don’t you?” she said directly.

“Yeh...” Was all I could manage before trailing off, not knowing what else to say. Why do I fell so helpless? Why do I miss him so?

Chris put her arm around me and drew me in to a hug. A small amount of relief set in. I never let my guard down and show my emotions but everything just got so much I needed to.

As we both pulled away she asked

“So how’s their tour going anyway?”

“It's going great.” I replied. “They’re in Tokyo at the minute and have seen loads of beautiful buildings and gardens. You know what Jared’s like with his sightseeing.”

A smile broke across her face.

“You know him so well.” She said.

“Yeah well I do love him.” I replied. She turned and looked straight at me, gawping.

“WHAT?” she yelled.

“I don’t know.” I shouted back at her, looking just as shocked myself. “Oh my god it just came out!”

“Well do you then?”

I paused for a second at this question. I had asked myself the very same thing a few weeks before, but now when I really think about it...I do always think about him...and he’s always the first person I tell when something happens...and I can always be myself around him...and he is gorgeous...and I can tell him anything, even if I’d killed somebody!

After thoughts rushing through my mind, only one work came to my head.

“Yes.”

“Oh My God you have to tell him!”

“What just call him up and go ‘oh by the way Jared, you know you’ve been waiting for ages for me to love you back, well now I do, bye. What a great conversation that will be!”

“No not like that, nicer.”

“But that’s what it will sound like if I do it on the phone though.”

“Well what are you going to do?”

“Wait I guess.”

“You’re going to wait to tell someone you love them?”

“Yes!”

“Good Morning.” He said, kissing me on the cheek. He was in a good mood because finally, I had opened up to him and been honest about my feelings rather than keeping them to myself. Plus the sex probably brightened him up to!

“Morning.” Said Shannon, joining us in the kitchen.

“Good morning.” Said Jared. He was over enthusiastic so Shannon assumed something straight away.

“So the pair of you finally got your freak on?!” When Shannon said this Jared turn a shade of scarlet and I started to laugh. Jared was hardly ever embarrassed and the fact he was made me laugh even more. Yes, I do have a cruel sense of humour!

“Do you want any breakfast?” I asked Shannon.

“Yeah please and also could you do me a favour?” Shannon replied.

“Sure, depends what it is though.”

“Well you know Bob?” I searched my head, hmmm Bob, who do I know called Bob.

“Bryar?” I said finally.

“Yeah.” Shannon paused, then said quietly:

“He fancies Meg.” I screamed. How long I had wanted to try and set these two up and Meg had never let me but now I knew that Bob liked her back I just had too!

“Calm down woman.” Said Shannon. He knew that I loved pairing people off and I was getting quite good at it!

“On another note.” Interjected Jared “We’re going on tour next week.”

My jaw dropped. I instantly went from a great to dreadful mood.

I turned to him and yelled

“AND WHEN THE FUCK WERE YOU PLANNING ON TELLING ME THIS?”  Jared looked taken aback; I didn’t usually get angry with him so when I did he always seemed surprised.

“Well I was going to tell you sooner but you’ve been avoiding me so I couldn’t.”

“Shit!” I replied. Great, Jared and I were just getting back on track and then he has to fuck off on tour.

“For how long?” I asked.

“A month.” My heart sank and I thought to myself how much I’d really miss him. I wish I could tell him, tell him to stay, tell him I don’t want him to go. I can’t do that though, his fans want to see him too, I can’t be selfish and keep him all to myself. Unfortunately!

“I’m going to miss you so much.” Said Jared.

“Oh God, I’m leaving the room if you’re going to get all soppy and romantic in here!” Said Shannon.

Jared and I feigned a smile, knowing Shannon was trying to cheer us both up, then Jared put his arm around my waist again and brought me close towards him.

“I love you so much.” He said looking deep into my eyes.

I swear a part of me was about to say something back to him. Was I going to say the words he longed to hear? Thoughts rushed through my mind. Do I love Jared now?

“So are you going to finish breakfast or what?” said Shannon cheekily and interrupting my thoughts.

“Yeah sure.” I responded and continued to cook.

Ah yes, I’ll tell you about last night. I went round to Jared’s house and everything was great like how it was before all the sex stuff started (or, well should I say, didn’t?!) and then we went to bed. We fooled around again and it was less awkward then last time but I could feel Jared getting more and more frustrated. Not angry frustrated though, sexually frustrated. And who could blame him, I mean we’ve been together a few months now and he was used to just jumping into girls pants. Though maybe I shouldn’t put it quite like that!

He has been very patient with me however, and I do want him, except something was stopping me.  This frustration was what was breaking us apart because Jared was actually seeing me less so he wouldn’t have to stop himself from doing things that I didn’t want him too. Another problem was that we could both see this was the problem but we still hadn’t discussed it. So as I said before, it’s not going to well with us.

But going back to the lunch: I had been really quiet, not my usual self since the dinner date, which is another way how my friends new to tread carefully around the subject. Instead we talked about everything but men. I could see though how much they wanted to talk about men. I couldn’t blame them though, I mean when you go out with friends you do find yourself talking about the guys your with.

The lunch was becoming uncomfortable too, great just what I need, discomfort with my boyfriend and friends!

As the lunch was about to draw to a close Chris looked up.

“Hey Jared.”

Meg and I turned and Lici looked over too see Jared walking in to the restaurant towards us.

He stood next to me and started to empty his pockets on to the table.

“You left these at mine.” He said finally, placing a pair of diamante skull and cross bone earrings on the table in front of me.

“Thanks.” I said. He leaned over and kissed my cheek and then walked away. The girls took this as an opportunity to ask questions. They were over being sensitive and it pissed me off.

“So have you shagged him yet?” Said Chris bluntly with a smile.

“No.” I replied quietly.

“Fuck off, you so have!” Said Lici.

That was it. I just snapped. All the anger that I had inside was released. The anger I had against myself for sabotaging the best thing that had ever happened to me, the relationship with the guy who really loved me.

“FOR FUCKS SAKE LICI, JARED AND I HAVE NOT HAD SEX!”

An arm reached across me and grabbed a set of car keys that I hadn’t noticed that were in the table in front of me. I looked up and was horrified to see Jared standing there.

“Left my keys.” He said quietly and with that, he left.

There was a horrible silence. I got up and started to walk out. I knew Jared would have driven off by now but I wasn’t looking to chase after him, I just wanted to get out, leave.

“Kat.” Yelled Meg. I looked back. She wanted me to come back, to talk about it, but I was in no mood so I gave the girls a slight wave, then walked off down the street, home.

~

At home I sat round not knowing what to do with myself. For all I knew I had officially ruined my relationship with Jared and it was only a matter of time before he called me to say ‘it’s over’. The thought killed me and I realised how devastated I would be if I lost Jared. He meant so much to me and I’ve treated him like shit. He deserved to know how I felt; I know he would understand.

My phone started to ring. It was Jared. Shit, was this really it? Was this the call that was going to end us? Part of me didn’t want to answer it. I stared at the phone for a minute, then slowly picked it up, my hands shaking.

“Hello.” My voice was quiet and shaky. How it goes when I’m trying to fight off tears.

“Kat come round tonight.”

“I can’t...”

“You can.” Interrupted Jared, before I could make an excuse “And you will. You know we need to talk.”

Shit, so is he going to dump me in person? I put the phone down and went upstairs to my room, aimlessly wandering about. I opened my wardrobe. Should I change? Maybe if I looked really nice he might think again about breaking up with me. ‘Fuck it’ I thought and walked out the door still shaken from what I thought was about to happen.

As I got to Jared’s apartment he opened the door. The look on his face relieved me slightly. It was a look as if to say ‘I’m trying to be angry with you, but failing because I love you too god damn much’ I’d seen that look before, but not as intense because I haven’t ever made him so angry.

Jared led me to a sofa and we sat down.

“So what was all that about at lunch then?” Right, straight to the then!

“Well.” I started “Erm, everyone just kept asking me about it loads and it was bugging me.”

“So you decided to yell in front of the whole restaurant about our sex life?” There was a slightly angry tone to his voice yet somehow it was still kind too.

“Look Kat, you know how much I love you and it’s obvious that you don’t want to have sex yet but if you’d have told me that you know full well I’d have respected you and what you wanted or didn’t want to do.”

The guilt kicked in. I knew it was all true, but hearing him say it made it more true. The guilt subsided slightly and I started to feel horny! I thought to myself ‘hang on,  I have the most gorgeous guy ever sitting right in front of me, professing his love and respect for me and I don’t want to sleep with him?! I’m such an idiot’. I leant over and kissed Jared hard and passionately, running my right hand through his hair. At first he seemed taken aback, then his arms moved around my waist and he pulled me closer towards him. His hands then lowered, to my ass. I pushed him down, lying on top on him on his sofa. I wanted him so badly and he wanted me too, I could tell by the bulge in his pants. Moving off him, I walked towards him bedroom, opened the door and lay on his bed. Jared walked in, closing the door behind him and got on top of me, pulling off my top as he did so. We kissed more. I yanked off his top and pushed him down, kissed his neck, moving slowly down his body and then unbuttoning his pants. I then pleasured him with my mouth whilst pulling off his pants and socks. Jared then sat up and pulled off my pants. We were both completely naked. He lay on top of me.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” He asked tentatively.

“Yes.” I said, pulling him down onto me.

The girls were all together again and we were at lunch.

Everyone was grilling me as the night before I had been on my dinner date with Jared. The girls weren’t too interested in what happened on the date though, mainly what had happened after it, and looking at the state of my hair, they assumed Jared and I had had sex.

The truth was though we actually hadn't. Yes, we did do other things and did end up completely naked together but we didn't have sex. Something stopped me. I thought back to when we were together: there were plenty of moments where I could have pulled him down on to me, but I didn’t. Instead I awkwardly positioned my body so it would be uncomfortable to lie on top of me.

“You filthy bitch, I can tell by the look on your face you were up to no good!” Yelled Lici across the table, bringing me out of my uncomfortable recollection.

“Can’t you piss off back to NJ now? I yelled back. I was trying to change the subject or maybe just my mood. Preferably the latter so I could just enjoy a nice lunch but my head wanted  otherwise, not giving me any of those endorphin feel-good hormones you hear about!

It occurred to me that telling me friends about how awkward it was last night was difficult. I’d never had trouble before telling them anything but this, this made me feel weird.

My phone started to ring ‘thank God’ I thought ‘a distraction, just what I need’. I looked at the display, it was Jared. There’s always a fucking catch when things happen isn’t there?

I got up and went outside to answer it

“Hey beautiful.” The kindness in his voice made me feel guilty about how I had acted the night before.

“So you free tonight?” He was asking as if nothing had gone on, as if last night had just been like any other date. Maybe this was a good thing, maybe he was giving me another chance, but the thing was I didn’t want another chance and as I realised the time I was taking to answer him was growing longer I felt utter bullshit come out my mouth:

“I can’t I’m busy tonight.”

 I have never lied to Jared before but something made me not want to see him. What the fuck was wrong with me?

Jared let out a disappointed “Oh.” And we both said an awkward goodbye and put the phone down. When I returned the girls were talking about new music and bands that were around. It made a nice change to talk about something other than Jared. Instead of talking about my relationship, I started to think about it. Could this be the downfall of our Jared and I? I always wanted to mention my boyfriend and how great he was and how happy we were but now, to tell you the truth, I didn’t. Does this mean we aren’t happy?

Love you my faithful fans!

Yes I'm cursing again because this time, I can't find my lip-gloss (yes, it's a serious matter!). I was in a rush because I had too meet Dree and then go straight out with Jared. We had planned to meet the Saturday before but her kids had school holidays so she and Billie wanted to spend time with them which I can understand so I thanked her when she set a few hours aside for me in my time of need. It was the night of the date with Jared, yeah the one I was freaking out about, the dinner date.

I found my gloss and quickly spread it across my lips as I left my house and closed my front door. Running down my drive towards my car, I threw myself in it and began to erratically drive towards my friend.

Dree lived quite far away from me considering we were in the same state and I was rushing because I needed to talk to her and then get back to meet Jared and every second I had with her I needed. I really needed her advice.

Pulling up on her drive, I jumped out the side of my car (I had the roof down) and rung the door bell. When she answered, I could tell by the look on her face that she knew I'd been rushing. Maybe my cheeks were slightly flushed. Slightly was an understatement as I soon discovered, looking in a hallway mirror.

Dree sat me down and handed me a large mug of hot chocolate. It was just what I needed and soothed me.

"So…" She started "What's getting you so stressed at the moment?" As soon as she had spoken the last word of her sentence I spoke:

"Jared."

"Now why are you so stressed? He loves you and you really like him and you said it was going well."

"Were going out for dinner tonight."

She paused to think, she knew what I was getting at. Damn she knew me well, part of me wondered if I even I had a bad thought about Dree, would she be able to tell? Not that I would.

After a long pause she came out with:

"Look Kat, you like him and he likes you and you said you have chemistry. Basically what this boils down to though, is, he is a man and you are a woman and at the end of the day we all know men have one thin on their mind. You're going to just have to tell him your net ready top sleep with him..."

"That’s the thing though." I interjected "I don't know if it is a case that I'm not ready."

"Well what is it then?"

"That's why I came to you?"

"God Kat I know I'm great but I'm not fucking psychic!" We both laughed.

Just talking about everything helped, getting everything out in the open, even though nothing was being solved as such.

"Shit, I'm really nervous about tonight." I said, opening up, something I rarely did with people. Dree pulled me towards her and hugged me.

"Silly girl, what do you have to be nervous about? You look really sexy and your about to go on a date where whatever you do afterwards you can talk about before hand. Just tell him whilst your in the restaurant."

"How do I fit that in a conversation? Oh Yeh Jared by the way, let's not have rampant sex later on, let's just talk all night then go home." I said sarcastically. We both laughed again.

"You know what, Fuck it." I said. "Whatever happens, happens, I'll just let the evening take its course."

"That's the spirit girl." Said Dree. "And with that, it's time for you to be going. I know how long it takes for you to get ready!"

"Cheeky bitch." I said with a smile.

I hadn't heard what I wanted to hear but I did feel better and as I rushed back home to get changed, I actually had a smile on my face and was looking forward to seeing Jared that night.

                                                                        ~

I arrived at the restaurant to see Jared already sitting at a table, in a separate, private area set out for two people. The waiter pulled back my chair and as I sat down and greeted Jared with a smile and a slight nod (I couldn't really kiss him whilst the waiter was there, err waiting, for me to sit!).

"You've exceeded yourself." Beamed Jared. I was expecting some cheeky comment such as 'You've taken even longer than usual to get ready this evening' but instead, Jared then said:

"You look phenomenally beautiful." I sat, slightly wide-eyed. Never had anyone given me such a lovely compliment before. Was this just a ploy to get in my knickers? 'Bad brain' I told myself. I must stop assuming things.

"Why thank you." I replied. I looked at Jared. He looked gorgeous, even more so than usual. He was wearing a grey suit that was formal but had a slight casual feel to it as well. It fitted the evening perfectly: we were dining in a 50's style restaurant so there was lots of jazz music played by the live band. I loved it here. The trouble was (I don't know if it was in my head but) the place seemed to have a sexy vibe to it. The whole atmosphere of the place wanted me to grab Jared, throw him down on the table and…well. 'Steady on' I told myself. And I was the one who was thinking he had sex on his mind!

By the end of the night I couldn't restrain myself and as soon as we stepped foot out of the restaurant doors I grabbed Jared, pulled him towards me and kissed him passionately. The wine from dinner had gone to my head and I wasn't walking as straight as I normally would but I didn’t care. I lead Jared in to our limo and we continued to make out passionately. His hands were moving all over my body as mine were over his.

As the limo pulled up outside his apartment block both of us got out of the limo and it drove away. Jared took me by the hand and led me to the lift. As the doors closed he pushed me against the wall and kissed me again. Oh my God how I wanted him.

The doors opened on his floor and he led me to his apartment, opened the door and took me inside. The door closed and I pushed Jared down on to his sofa and started making out with him again.

After a few minutes Jared paused and said:

"Do you wanna go to my room?"

I got off him and stood up and held out my hand and walked with Jared into his bedroom.

It was late in the afternoon and I was on my way to have a late lunch in a small café with Jared. We'd been dating two weeks officially and the relationship was perfect. In some ways it felt like we'd bee dating longer as there was no awkwardness between us like you get  at the start of a relationship with not knowing the other person, however there was strong chemistry between us, very strong, which is what made me realise this was a new relationship and that I had to take things slow. The thing was the chemistry between us was so strong, there wasn’t much stopping me (except sheer determination) from ripping Jared's clothes off and ravaging him wherever we were, be it in a restaurant, café, shopping mall or even park!

I arrived at the café slightly pissed off. It was so annoying when other people wanted to know what was going on in your life. It was like their own lives were so boring, the only fun they had was talking about other peoples. Jared could tell what was wrong with me.

"More people know?" He asked. I nodded. He leant over the table and placed a delicate, caring kiss on my lips. His touch was still electric to me and the great feeling I got from him kissing me came like a wave and washed away all the anger from inside of me.

I sat there calmly and we talked about this and that, made plans for the following weeks, ate and drank. Just a pleasant lunch.

"So how about dinner next Friday?" Said Jared. A warning alarm went off in my head. 'EEEEEEE'

See the thing is with all men (basically they all want one thing if you break them down, whatever they say) dinner means to them food then sex. The two greatest things you can give a man in one night i.e. their ideal date! The trouble was that it isn't necessarily a womans ideal date. Yes you get to talk to the person your with (after all what better way to do it than at a table by yourselves?!) and you get to know them better, but you cacn always see in a guys eyes that they're thinking something along the lines of 'I wonder what underwear she has on today' or some just blatantly try to picture you naked. Maybe I'm just far too cynical from my bad experiences but I like to think that I had learned at least something from them.

I thought hard. Yes there was strong chemistry between us but for some reason the idea of having sex with Jared unnerved me. I excused myself and went to the café's bathroom where I freshened up and sent a text to Adrienne. She'd know what was going on in my head, plus we needed to catch up. She text back:

Cum stay ova dis sat?x

K xo I replied back. It was great to have a friend who understood me so well, sometimes even better than I understood myself!

I went back to the table and Jared carried on talking.

"So Friday, you never gave me your answer?"

"Yes." I couldn't exactly turn him down because I had no excuse as to why I shouldn't go. Besides for all I knew he may just want to go for dinner and not expect anything else afterwards. I hope. 'Yeh, that's likely' said a little voice in the back of my head. I shut it out. I hated thinking that Jared was just like other men because to me, he wasn't. I really cared about him like I had never cared about another man before and he loved me and at the end of the day, that's all that mattered to me.

Through the morning I had realised that I liked him more than just a friend (which was obvious now I think about it) but did I love him? Hmmm…

Bingbong

The doorbell rang and interrupted my thoughts. I got up, walked towards the door and opened it to see Jared standing there.

"Morning." He said and then walked straight towards me, pulled me close by my waist and kissed me. His kisses made me so weak at the knees. He really was a good kissed. Wow, I could get used to this!

As we parted he grinned and said

"Oh yeah I forgot to ask last night." He looked down pretending to act shy and spoke in an innocent, quiet voice

"Will you be my girlfriend?" He asked. I laughed. He was so cute, even for a man in his mid-thirties!

"Yes." I replied. If there's one think I did know-if a guys kisses take your breath away that much, you clearly should be more than friends. On that note, you probably should be more than friends if you're kissing in the first place!

I lead Jared in to my living room and he sat whilst I made us some coffee. When I went back in he was sitting with one leg perched across part of the sofa and his arm draped along the back. Damn he looked hot, even when he was just sitting there!

As we sat we talked. Just about random stuff as we usually would. It was great because there was no awkwardness between us. The transition from being friends to boyfriend and girlfriend had been unnoticeable, apart from the kissing, obviously!

I decided to use this time to ask Jared bout some things that were on my mind. So I just dived right in and said:

"So if you loved me…" Jared looked up from his mug "Why did you take so long to tell me?" Jared sighed. He looked as if he wasn't going to tell me, but after a long pause, he drew a deep breath and said simply:

"Because Bam didn't want me to."

I wasn't expecting that. Out of all the things he could have said, that was it?

"WHAT?" I was shocked. I was angry. VERY angry. Why the fuck would my best friend want me to be unhappy and loveless. Jared could see how pissed off I was.

"Calm down." He said reassuringly "He meant it in your best interest."

That did it for me. My voice grew louder as I got myself more and more worked up.

"How the fuck does Bam know what's in my best interest."

Jared looked taken aback. He had only seem me angry once like this before, but I was drunk and ranting about something Quinn had said about me, to someone else.

Questions were spinning round in my head like debris in a tornado. I picked on out and yelled it:

"So when did he tell you not to tell me?"

"At the beach party."

Suddenly everything clicked. The beach party. Jared wanted to tell me something then Bam interrupted. Then Bam lectured Jared.

"What did Bam say you?" I said, calmer as I was beginning to understand slightly what was going on.

Jared sighed again and looked into his coffee. He stuck in his little finger and stirred around some of the froth on top.

"He said a man whore like me doesn't deserve a girl like you. You're too good for me and he didn't want to see me hurt you." I was angry again but this time I didn't yell.

"But I know you'd never hurt me." I put my hand on his cheek and he looked at me. I looked in to his perfect blue eyes and sighed. I knew how he felt about me.

"I'm glad you realise that. I really do love you Kat." I knew he meant every word. I could tell. That's the good thing about us being friends first-I knew Jared, very well indeed.

I leant over and kissed him. I wanted him to be my boyfriend and I was realising I did have feelings for him, strong ones. My reaction to what Bam had said had made me realise this. I was hurt for Jared by what Bam had said. How could he be so cruel? Usually I'd let my friends criticise my boyfriends or give me advice on people I should and shouldn't date but then again this was more than a criticism, this was him controlling who I dated, like I had no choice and I couldn’t make the decision myself.

Jared continued again:

"I tried to date other people like Bam suggested to try and forget about you, to try and get over you but it just made me feel worse."

"That's it." I said "I' gonna call Bam." Jared looked horrified.

"No, you can't, he'll know I've said something."

"Well good, he can also know how much of a dick he is too." I wasn't going to back down and Jared knew it, so he gave in. I picked up my phone and dialled Bam's number.

"Hey Kitty Kat." Bam answered.

"Don't you fucking Kitty Kat me." I yelled back.

He looked back. I think he was slightly horrified because I hadn't said anything for what seemed like ages. I couldn’t stand the silence any longer. I searched my head for something to say, anything.

"How long for?" It wasn't the greatest thing I could have said but at least it was something. Jared looked grateful that I hadn't freaked out. He looked down at his hands again.

"Quite a while."  He said, not looking up. My mind had gone blank again. I had no idea what to say again, but I knew what to do. I leaned over and turned his head so he was looking at me. He looked at me and then looked down again. I moved closer to him and leaned in more. A jolt of excitement ran threw me as out lips touched. I brought his head closer towards mine and our lips were pressed closer together. Then I moved away slightly and looked at him, observing his facial expression, still trying to work out what he was thinking or what he had thought of me kissing him. He moved towards me and rested his hand on the back of my head and drew me in close and again our lips touched but this time our lips were moving. I was making out with my best friend, but I didn’t care. The thing is, it felt so right. There was a strong chemistry I could feel between us. Butterflies felt like they were flying around my stomach.

As our kissing grew more passionate, Jared pushed me down and lay on top of me. One of my hands was running through his silky, brown hair and the other was moving around his back and I could feel his perfect muscles through his shirt.

I had never kissed anyone like this before, either. The butterflies in my stomach were moving faster and faster. I felt that it could have exploded and wherever his hand touched my skin, be it on my neck or my hip, my skin tingled as if his touch was somewhat electric.

How long we were there I don’t know, we just lay there, kissing, not stopping for breath.

Eventually, the perfect kiss came to an end and Jared lay there on top of me and kissed my face. He then moved so that he was lying next to me and we went back to how we were earlier with me resting my head on his chest.

"Wow!" said Jared with a smile, after he had gathered himself.

"Yeah, Wow!" I said looking up at him and smiling back. Hopefully the kiss had been as amazing for him as it was for me.

After a few minutes Jared sat up and looked at me

"Weren’t you supposed to be going home?" he asked.

"Yeah." I replied.

"Well come on then, I'll walk you back." And with that he stood up and held out his hand to help me up and then kept his hand entwined in mine and that's how we walked home- hand-in-hand. It was perfect.

Walking up the street towards Seventh we saw our friends pouring out of the club, all hand-in-hand as well with their partners. As Shannon noticed us walking up the street he yelled

"WHEY!" When everyone turned and realised what he was cheering about they joined in. Everyone except Bam. Was it me or did he seem unhappy? Maybe he and Missy had had some sort of argument. But she looked glad to see I was happy so what was wrong with him? Oh well. I was too pleased to care. I turned to Jared and kissed his cheek and he turned to me and grinned. I was just SO happy at this point in time, It was kind of weird! But in a good way of course!

"Finally." said Mikey "I was beginning to think you two were never going to realise you liked each other!" Everyone laughed and shouts of agreement came from various people.

After sometime Lici said

"It's getting late." So we all said our goodbyes and Jared and I walked away towards my house. When we came to my door I paused thinking what to do next. I didn't want him to come in, because I knew if he did come in what he'd expect. He could tell what I was thinking by the look on my face and said:
"Goodnight, I'll see you tomorrow." It was nice to not feel pressured (yes even people of my age still get pressured by guys!) He then brought me close to him and kissed me again. After another amazing kiss that lasted for ages (not that I minded) I went inside closed my door and sat in front of it, hugging my knees. Everything had gone so quickly. Was it a mistake to be more than friends with Jared? I couldn't help remembering how glad I felt when we were together. I then thought of all the other times we had spent together. We had always had fun. We always got on well. Really well. Another thought then entered my head, interrupting everything else 'Shit, he never actually asked me out!'